My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.

A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.

On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you getting on?"

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?