When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.

I'm a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f--ing minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a f--ing Muppet movie.

A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.

Don't vote, it only encourages them.

I've never done a comedy club in my life. It's weird because I don't have the same background as most comics. I don't have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.

What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?