Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.

Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.

Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born; nowhere! It's over!

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.