My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.
I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.