Don't die until you're dead.

I'm one of the school of people who don't do research of the reality of the thing or the unreality of the thing. In all the movies I've done, I've never done any research.

I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can't fly

I was brought up as a Catholic. I've got A-level guilt.

Never trust anybody with only one book.

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"