Politically correct is the language of cowardice.

Without arts programmes there's only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.

I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born; nowhere! It's over!

I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That's what girls do. I think I am a girl really.

Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.