My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.

Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it's like they're in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.

I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.

I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.