Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

The more you know the less the better.

I'm a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f--ing minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a f--ing Muppet movie.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

If I had a hammer, there'd be no more folksingers.