Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.

There's nothing better than a fight, especially when you're watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he's a big Jessie!

The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.

Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"

Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born; nowhere! It's over!

I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.