Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser!

On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.