There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can't fly

When you involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.