When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.

Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying.

As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It's something they reserve just for me.

Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.