When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.

I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.

When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

If you give people a chance, they shine.