My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.

The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.

Try to live in a place you like.

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.

Don't die until you're dead.

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!