When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born; nowhere! It's over!

I've never done a comedy club in my life. It's weird because I don't have the same background as most comics. I don't have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.