When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

I've always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I'm where I belong.

If you give people a chance, they shine.

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.

All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?