Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying.

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.

If you're going to do an interview about a movie or anything like that, you're vulnerable. You say stupid things. Or if you're applying for a green card you feel very vulnerable and you're likely to spout out something stupid in the middle of it all.

Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.