I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

When things [writing] are over, I always think, 'well, I'm never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I'm going to go be a farmer'. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won't happen.

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

I see young people being dismissed for supposedly wanting only "stupid" and "easy" material, or that they don't have an attention span longer than three minutes. I disagree with all those statements; I just think they aren't true. I'm saying that our generation wants stuff that is substantial and challenging, as well as thoughtful and endearing. Well, I don't know if I'm doing that, but I'm trying.

People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.

I don't like calling myself a "feminist" only because I don't think I've done anything active enough to call myself one. It'd be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I'm not racist.