I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

The biggest danger, for me, with making yourself your act is that a lot of people with think they know you for better or worse. That's an ongoing struggle with me and it can get really trippy sometimes. I try to be strong about it and assure myself that only my close friends and family can really pass judgement on me personally, but it's impossible to not let it get to you.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

The average person has one Fallopian tube.

I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.