I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

I know it's the comedian's instinct to say, "Do it, man, nothing's off-limits! It's cool, bro!" I don't know if that's the answer for me. "Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?" I don't worship comedy; at the end of the day I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.