I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone's watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.