Bo Burnham Quotes

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I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

Bo Burnham

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.

Bo Burnham

That's what YouTube's become, it's become like a lot of vloggers capitalizing on this sort of like "My fans, I love my fans, hey guys." I've grown up and kind of been disgusted by that. I think it's using people, I think it's like encouraging something that's unhealthy, telling people you love them. "I love you." Oh really, you love your fans? You love the people that give you money and attention? Of course you do, that's not selfless that you love your fans, that's ridiculous.

Bo Burnham

There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind.

Bo Burnham

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

Bo Burnham

I think comedy has a range, with multiple peaks in different areas. It's like trying to compare Beethoven and the Beatles. Sometimes I hear from people, 'I think you try too hard in your comedy.' And that's what I worry about.

Bo Burnham

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.

Bo Burnham

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Bo Burnham

I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don't have a great ear. It's like a tragedy - I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.

Bo Burnham

I'm very interested in trying to make comedy shows that are a bit bigger, more theatrical, more of a "show." Some people might say I'm trying too hard, but that's a compliment to me. I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.

Bo Burnham

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

Bo Burnham

I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I've enjoyed watching.

Bo Burnham

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

Bo Burnham

I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone's watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.

Bo Burnham

People are gonna think that MTV censored me, and they really didn't. I really wanted to try to make a show that didn't rely on offensive, edgy material because I think it was an exercise in trying to write without that. Because I see that as a crutch sometimes and I want to know that I can do something funny and worthwhile without that. And also make a show that my parents would like and that kids could watch with their parents.

Bo Burnham

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

Bo Burnham

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.

Bo Burnham

I know it's the comedian's instinct to say, "Do it, man, nothing's off-limits! It's cool, bro!" I don't know if that's the answer for me. "Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?" I don't worship comedy; at the end of the day I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.

Bo Burnham

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

Bo Burnham

People do complain about the way I act on stage... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.

Bo Burnham

Where are all the sour patch parents?

Bo Burnham

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

Bo Burnham

I never felt like I was stealing anyone's fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.

Bo Burnham

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

Bo Burnham

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

Bo Burnham

Comedy should be a source of positivity. I don't want to bully people, and I don't want people to come to my show to feel terrible about something. I'm actually very open to having a conversation about what I should or shouldn't say.

Bo Burnham

What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Bo Burnham

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Bo Burnham

Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function.

Bo Burnham

I'm happy with what I'm doing. I try not to focus on how I've changed. I just try to focus on what I'm doing now.

Bo Burnham

What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy

Bo Burnham

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Bo Burnham

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.

Bo Burnham

I don't want to try to recreate for no reason. Like, me in my bedroom, singing songs to a camera was a special thing that was at that time in my life. But I'm just not that kid. I like the format of it, but I want to be able to release things for free.

Bo Burnham

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.

Bo Burnham

The biggest danger, for me, with making yourself your act is that a lot of people with think they know you for better or worse. That's an ongoing struggle with me and it can get really trippy sometimes. I try to be strong about it and assure myself that only my close friends and family can really pass judgement on me personally, but it's impossible to not let it get to you.

Bo Burnham

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.

Bo Burnham

I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.

Bo Burnham

If I have enough money to support myself, I'll just give stuff away. I just, I want people to see it and I want to be able to do this for a living, you know what I mean? So it's just a balance. If I'm not doing well for five years, then I'm selling stuff, but if I'm doing well and I can afford to give stuff away, I'll always do that.

Bo Burnham

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.

Bo Burnham

In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.

Bo Burnham

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

Bo Burnham

My first concern is that when you go to a show, you should be present. It's much more exciting to put the camera down and lose yourself in it.

Bo Burnham

I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don't want to construct the show to prove something.

Bo Burnham

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Bo Burnham

What's that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I'll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

Bo Burnham

If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn't respect that.

Bo Burnham

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.

Bo Burnham
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