I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

I don't know what people have against government; they haven't done anything.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.