Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show.
I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.
Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.
Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.
It's amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn't sell theirs threw them away.