My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

I can still chase women, only downhill

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.