When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

I don't bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard ... I sell.

With today's movies, if we took out all the bad language, we'd go back to silent films.

Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.