Don't tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it's also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.