Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless.

I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.

Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He's done nothing.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.