Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless.

Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He's done nothing.

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.