I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days - whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.

It's amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn't sell theirs threw them away.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.