I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.

Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They're all running for the Presidency.

Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

It's a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you'll be able to watch it all on TV.