You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.
It's not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course - you just follow the wounded.
With today's movies, if we took out all the bad language, we'd go back to silent films.
If they liked you, they didn't applaud -- they let you live.