Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.

One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we'll have her forever.

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

It's amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn't sell theirs threw them away.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.