Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here - just for me.

I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.