It's amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn't sell theirs threw them away.

Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It's going to get us out of the house after dark!

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.

Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.

If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.