It's amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn't sell theirs threw them away.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me." And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!

If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

You know what a fan letter is - it's just an inky raspberry.

President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.