I don't know what people have against government; they haven't done anything.

The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.

Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.