If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!