Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I've never heard of a clean one.

If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.