Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn't know they had a caddie division.

After the 1984 Summer Olympics, Reagan wanted to add the U.S. volleyball team to his Cabinet. He figured if they can't shove his programs down Congress' throat, nobody can.

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy.