The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.

To give you an idea of how fast we travelled - we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.