Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It's going to get us out of the house after dark!

You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.

Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.