I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He's done nothing.

Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here - just for me.

She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don't worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.