A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.
As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.
My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.
It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn't know they had a caddie division.