Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that.

Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

Television is the box they buried entertainment in.

I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.