Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.

It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

I have this terrific make-up man. But he's expensive. I have to bring him in from Lourdes.