I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.

Don't ever have two dogs. That way you won't know which one to blame.

Women are more emotional. They do get flustered. Which is not to say that men are better than they. It's simply the way it is.

Well, if you’re a native Chicagoan, you know how dumb he [Dr. Robert Hartley] is. He gets on the Ravenswood El, he goes past his stop on Sheridan Road, he gets off in Evanston, where the El is on the ground, and then he walks back 55 blocks to his apartment. Now, would you want to have that man as a psychologist? A man who misses his stop every day?

I think there are still words you can't use in family entertainment that you can use in a sitcom today.

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.

I don't want to find the secret. I'm afraid all the joy will go out of it if I find the secret.