The first time I got up in front of an audience was terror, abject terror, which continued for another four or five years. There still is, a little bit.

Cell phones have gotten so small, you can't tell who's a cell phone user and who's a schizophrenic.

You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.

Don't be silly and don't waste your time.

One of the first things you ever learn as a stand-up is don't show fear.

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.

Continuing to do stand-up is always a challenge because the audiences and the environments in which you work very often differ.