It was a decision to work clean. I just prefer to work that way. I have no problem with comedians who don't work that way. There was a temptation in the early '70s to reconsider. I decided against it.

I don't have a show anymore. I don't have a check coming in every week. This is important to me, I got to score a million tonight or it could all be over.

Marriage and fatherhood heighten the disillusion that we all think we are born handy. We confidently believe that we can fix things around the house, as if it's part of the collective brain that was further enhanced by eighth-grade shop class.

Don't be silly and don't waste your time.

A collison is what happens when two motorists go after the same pedestrian.

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.

I didn't need the elf outfit to play an elf; I could just play an elf.