One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people.

I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.

Doormen are kind of invisible, people don't know their names. They just say, Thank you, or Good morning. I'd never thought about doormen before. They're a vanishing breed. More electronic doors are being introduced.

All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world.

Funny is funny is funny.

All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!'

I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.