Don't ever have two dogs. That way you won't know which one to blame.
One of the first things you ever learn as a stand-up is don't show fear.
Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.
A collison is what happens when two motorists go after the same pedestrian.
You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.
One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people.