I worked in accounting for two and a half years, realized that wasn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and decided I was just going to give comedy a try.

Cell phones have gotten so small, you can't tell who's a cell phone user and who's a schizophrenic.

All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world.

Don't ever have two dogs. That way you won't know which one to blame.

Continuing to do stand-up is always a challenge because the audiences and the environments in which you work very often differ.

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour.

All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!'