I don't get all the anger that is thrown at comedians.

Women feel safe with me as well they should, because not only am I morally objected at going too far, but physically I cannot do it.

I just don't get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That's where jokes happen.

Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.

If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

I'm in awe of comedians that do things that I can't do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be - hell, Carrot Top. I can't be Carrot Top. I can't.