Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death.

It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.

All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.

Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.

They took away our land, our language, and our religion; but they could never harness our tongues.

A man is fortunate if he encounters living examples of vice, as well as of virtue, to inspire him.

I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.