I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in.

I am a daylight atheist.

There's no bad publicity except an obituary.

God forgive us-but most of us grew up to be the sort of men our mothers warned us against.

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.