I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.

Pound notes are the best religion in the world.

I ruined my health drinking to other people's.

There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.

I am a daylight atheist.

Prostitutes, more than any other profession, help keep American marriages together.