New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

The terrorist is the one with the small bomb.

I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.

In a society which really supported marriage the wife would be encouraged to go to the office and make love to her husband on the company's time and with its blessing.

When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.

Message? What the hell do you think I am, a bloody postman?