There's no one, no one, loves you like yourself.

It is a good deed to forget a poor joke

Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.

Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

I never felt so much at home as I do in New York. I must be a devil.

One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.