I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.

I cannot imagine any crime worse than taking a life, can you? -It'd depend whose life.

Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops.

New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.

I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.

You made one mistake. You married me.