I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.

One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.

When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.

What the hell difference does it make, left or right? There were good men lost on both sides.

Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death.

To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.