I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

There is no human situation so miserable that it cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.

Pound notes are the best religion in the world.

I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.

The English and Americans dislike only some Irish--the same Irish that the Irish themselves detest, Irish writers--the ones that think.