Other people's interruptions of your work are relatively insignificant compared with the countless times you interrupt yourself.

When two men fight over a woman it's the fight they want, not the woman.

Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

I never felt so much at home as I do in New York. I must be a devil.