If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can't do it themselves!

The English and Americans dislike only some Irish--the same Irish that the Irish themselves detest, Irish writers--the ones that think.

A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles ... it takes your mind off the cost of living.

I am a drinker with writing problems.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.