An author's first duty is to let down his country.

A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.

A man is fortunate if he encounters living examples of vice, as well as of virtue, to inspire him.

In a society which really supported marriage the wife would be encouraged to go to the office and make love to her husband on the company's time and with its blessing.

Prostitutes, more than any other profession, help keep American marriages together.

There's no one, no one, loves you like yourself.

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.